i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
