well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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