I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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