he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
he was CRYING into my vagina
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
