I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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