remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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