he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
