how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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