They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
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