you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
