Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
