Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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