take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
