So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
