you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
