why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
This baby is an asshole
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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