Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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