The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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