be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
