found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Randomize
