I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Randomize
