I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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