Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Randomize
