I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
