My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
