Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
