alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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