Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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