google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
