I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
