I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
