Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
