just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
