i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
