There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
