just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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