Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
