Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize