Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I'm passing your future prison.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
