you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
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