Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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