Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
