I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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