you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
