I will die if light touches me.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
