all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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