Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
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