we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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