You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
