i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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